This is the story of Joe Coach and Team X. Joe Coach was a hot young NFL assistant. Joe Coach was a hot young NFL assistant. In his 10-year career he had climbed the ladder from fast food-runner as a quality control assistant to play-caller as an offensive coordinator. Team X was an NFL franchise that hadn't really won anything but still loved to trumpet its proud tradition. Its motto was "Climb Every Mountain"....or something like that (the owner had read it on one of those dramatic nature posters with the black framing). [...] Continue reading → | , , ,
There might not be a more useless in-game note than the Red Zone statistic. For starters, the sample size is always way too small for the stat to mean anything. Most teams don’t make it into the red zone more than three or four times in a given game. We’ll hear how “the Bears are 2/3 inside the Red Zone today” or how “the Packers have successfully converted on both their trips in the Red Zone this afternoon.” What are they trying to tell us? What even constitutes a “successful trip in the Red Zone”? One [...] Continue reading → | ,
Hi, happy holidays. Welcome to our 2008 NFL Christmas party. Thanks for coming. So glad you could make it. No worries about being late – you’re not the only one. We’re still waiting on Plaxico. He does this every year. Hopefully he’ll show soon – he has a great surprise awaiting him. I heard that Antonio Pierce drew Plaxico’s name for Secret Santa; earlier tonight, I found Antonio in the guest room, wrapping a Red Ryder BB Gun. Can I take your coat? Actually, it looks like it’s a little wet from the snow. [...] Continue reading → | , , , ,
If I was God of Pro Football.... I’d do all the poor Raider fans a favor and invite Al Davis to come stay with me for an eternity or two. I’d have every Eagle fan get booed on their way to work, then have them hear more boos once they get to work. [...] Continue reading → |
It’s wedding season and most of the NFL is on vacation. What better time to reveal this? This is part of the Prevent Defense series, examining football and women. Some call it football humor. Along these same lines, check out the FODAFST, which looks [...] Continue reading → | , ,
For those of you who don't already know, I generally watch football alone. For years, I was anal about watching alone. I don't know why --- I guess I just had a routine and an expectation that every game had to be perfect, which meant that I had to watch with utter focus. Lately, I have relaxed on this issue dramatically. In past years, watching football on Thanksgiving was like walking through a landmine field for me. My family hosts Thanksgiving, which means the room is always full of grandmas and grandpas, aunts and uncles, and [...] Continue reading → | , ,
 Do companies that try to market their products to football fans by showing teams wearing generic, non-descript uniforms realize how foolish they look? Do they realize that instead of reaching their target audience they’re actually alienating it? You know what I’m talking about. Take any non-NFL sponsoring company that sells electronic appliances, for example. Let’s say they run an ad or commercial selling new HDTV’s, and they [...] Continue reading → | , , , ,
EVERY MAN’S PREVENT DEFENSE --- THIRD EDITION The FODAFST: The Female Observing & Dating Football Scouting Translator When it comes to dating, my success rate is well below the Mendoza line. Earlier this year I met a girl at the gym. She had a darling southern accent and an energetic outlook on life. When we went out later that week, her accent shifted from southern bell to a Dixieland hick. Her outlook [...] Continue reading → | , , , ,
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